A: "Where's my tractor?"
A Black man, a mexican and a russian walk into a bar. What a great example of a united society.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon and Micheal Jackson molests little boys.
What did the homeless man get for Christmas?
Nothing
Q: What do you call a Mexican flying a plane?
A: A pilot.
Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
Why did the sheep dog count 40 sheep when there were only 38
He rounded them up.
A seal walks into a club. However, the particular club he entered had a no animals policy and he was turned away.
Two porn stars, a man and a woman, are going at it during a shoot. They're doing it doggy style, and the director keeps urging them to do it faster, since they're in sort of a homestretch two-shot. So they're really going at it, and the woman kind of looks over her shoulder at the man and says, "Ooh, you feel so good inside me!" And the man thinks to himself, I choose to believe you.
A boy owned a dog that was uncommonly shaggy. Many people remarked upon its considerable shagginess. When the boy learned that there are contests for shaggy dogs, he entered his dog. The dog won first prize for shagginess in both the local and the regional competitions. The boy entered the dog in ever-larger contests, until finally he entered it in the world championship for shaggy dogs. When the judges had inspected all of the competing dogs, they remarked about the boy's dog: "He's not so shaggy."
Two light bulbs are lying in their cardboard sleeve on a shelf somewhere. The first light bulb is a real nervous type. He's been going on and on. "What if I don't light up? Seriously, what if I don't? I will just m'kaying die! God, I'm freaking out. And thanks to our m'kaying packaging, we don't know whether we're in a store or a warehouse, or if we're sitting under someone's kitchen sink moments away from being screwed in and turned on. What if there's something wrong with my filament? I mean, it feels OK to me, but there's not really any way of knowing for sure until I get hit with some current. Sure, I passed the factory test and lit up just fine, but what if ..." The second light bulb has had enough. "Will you shut the m'kay up! Just shut up!" There is a long awkward silence. Then the first light bulb says, "Well, what else are we supposed to talk about?"
What did the aborted baby say to it's mother?
Nothing. Dead babies can't speak, and even if they could it takes at least a year or so for babies to learn how and because this particular baby was aborted and you can only be aborted if you're younger than about four months it wouldn't have had the time.
A man walks into a bar. He then meets some friends and has a rather enjoyable night.
A salesman is sitting in the reception area of a big corporation, waiting to give a presentation to some of the people there. He is kept waiting almost 40 minutes beyond the time of his appointment, and then he's finally ushered into a conference room. He goes in, and sitting around a big table are two Jews, an African-American woman, and a gay guy of Chinese descent. The salesman goes into his pitch, for software or a phone system or something, and it's pretty evident a couple minutes into it that these four people couldn't care less, especially the younger Jew, who keeps checking his BlackBerry. But he plows through the presentation anyway, and when he finishes, everybody shakes his hand and thanks him. He goes out to his car and starts to drive home. On the road, his cell phone rings and he answers it. It's his wife, and she asks him to pick up a couple of groceries on his way home. He says OK. She says, are you OK? And he says, yeah, I'm fine. She says OK. He hangs up, and this commercial for anti-itch powder comes on the radio, and it's got all these country-sounding old people giving testimonials about how this powder completely improved the quality of their lives. And the salesman starts crying. Big choked sobs. He shades his eyes with his left hand so that the other drivers can't see that he's crying and says, "And I don't even m'kaying care about this poo!"
How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?
By giving her a timeout.
A man is walking alone on the beach when he trips, and stumbles accross an old rusty lamp.
Curious, he picks it up and begins to wipe the sand away.
He cuts himself on the lamp, giving himself a nasty infection, but after a series of shots he is fine now.
My dog's got no nose.
It was cut off by a gang of drunk teenagers in a public park, leading to three successful prosecutions for animal cruelty
Why was there lipstick on the blonde's steering wheel?
She braked really hard because some m'kaying cat ran in the road and kind of busted her mouth on it.
A woman becomes pregnant. 9 months later she has a baby.
Yo momma is so fat, she developed a serious case of diabetes and had her foot removed.
A farmer, waiting on the side of the road with several sacks is approached by a boy.
The kid asks, "Hey, what do you have in those bags?"
The farmer replies, "Oats."
Yo mamma's so dumb she had to take remedial classes all through school.
A guy tells his psychiatrist: It was terrible. I was away on business, and I wired my wife that I'd be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don't get it. How could she do this to me? "Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didn't get your telegram."
"No, she got it" replies the man. They both remain silent for the rest of the session, after which the psychiatrist proceeds to charge the man $60 for it.
What do you call it when 2 blacks, 3 mexicans, and a jew escape from prison?
A jailbreak.
Yo' Mama's so fat the doctors put her on Enalapril for her blood pressure.
blah blah blah
actually i thot some of them were rather funny, in a sarcastic kinda way! lol
yesssss 2 free points
jokes are kinda dumb
I guess I have a warped sense of humor, because I laughed my @$$ off!
Yea they really arent funny!!!
seriously, a bunch of not funny jokes..lol
not the best
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