What do you think of my Story... Twilight Saga knock-off. Other writers please read.?

So i'm writing a story and it's a knock off of the Twilight Saga. I'm looking for your opinions and some SERIOUS constuctive criticism from fellow authors. dont be afraid to be mean either. if that's what it takes to make me better. It's REALLY long for a normal question so if you dont have a lot of time... or read fast... then you might want to go to another question. Thank you so much for those that actually do answer though.

La Tua

Cantante

Story inspired by the

“Twilight Series” by Stephenie Meyer

Format inspired by Elizabeth Kerner

Jerica

1. Arrival

“Yes mom… yes, don’t worry, I brought it.” She acted like this was my first time flying by myself. “Yes I have that too…. Ok, Mr. Kidd’s calling us, I have to go. I’ll call you when we land… Ok I love you too. Bye.” I guess I could understand her anxiety. It was my fist time flying overseas and all but goodness, I wasn’t a baby anymore. I could take care of myself. I went and stood next to my friend Kelli. We were headed on a trip through Europe with the music department of our school. Except after the last stop in Italy the group would be coming back home to the states and I would be staying to do some touring of my own. My mother had arranged a study abroad program for me and I would be staying with an Italian family the rest of the summer. I couldn’t wait. We boarded the plane. I wrinkled my nose into a frown. Ugh, coach. I’d never flown coach it was always first class for me. I guess it could be said that I was a little bit spoiled. The plane was too noisy already, the seats were too close together and there was barely enough room to fit my legs in front of me. This was going to be a long eight hours.

I woke up with a sore back. Of course, what could I expect from a seat that didn’t even let me stretch my arms without hitting the person next to me. I wondered why I’d woken up and looked at Kelli, she was shaking my arm.

“Rica, we’re landing.”

“Finally! What do we do after?”

“Mr. Kidd said to meet right outside the gate”

“Hmm.” I watched as the plane approached the giant expanse of green. Ireland. It was Gorgeous. “Wow, look at that!” I exclaimed.

“I know!” Kelli agreed.

I was still extremely tired. “Jet lag” Mr. Kidd called it. I called it lack of sleep from two days of packing, and waking up at 2:00 am to get to the airport. We got off the plane and went to stand by the gate. Mr. Kidd was already there instructing everyone to form a group and “find your buddy”. The good old Buddy system, Kelli was my buddy. We stuck together like salt and pepper. We had been friends for almost four years and planned to come on this trip together for months as a graduation present to each other. Kelli was tall, about 5’10, a few inches taller than me, with dark red hair that layered to her shoulders. I loved her hair, it was so bouncy and glossy. As opposed to mine which was just kind of poofy. It was good that she had come, because with Kelli, there was no such thing as a bad or boring moment.

We spent hours getting everyone gathered, eating, and finding bags. After that we set off for our Musical expedition of Europe. First stop: Ireland.

Ilario

2. Something

It was such a hassle, not being able to sleep. But my kind managed. I found that when I was extremely cold it was easier to be at peace. So I “slept” in a freezer bed. It was made and appeared to be a normal bed, but in reality it was temperature controlled and I could make it as cold or as warm as I needed it to be. I timed it so that it would coincide with the eight hours that humans needed, then, my freezer would defrost and I would come to. I didn’t much enjoy sleeping anymore however; sleeping brought on my visions… my visions of her.

Who she was, I didn’t know, but my visions showed me that I loved her, and that she would one day be apart of my life. No, they showed me that she would be my life.

My visions were, sometimes, a nuisance. I didn’t particularly enjoy being able to see into the future. Being able to see my own future was bad enough, let alone the ability to see the futures of others. Sometimes it was easy to decipher, for instance the fact that today, the butcher was going to ask the florist for her hand in marriage, she would accept. Other things were harder. Like my “dreams” about her. I couldn’t not see her; she was always there, where I was. Smiling at me with maple eyes set in caramel-colored skin. Her dark, shoulder length hair shining in the sun. She wasn’t Italian. I could tell that by her dark skin, so I wasn’t expecting to find her anytime soon. One thing I did know was that once I found her, I was never going to let her leave. Not only because I saw myself turning her into what I was, but because I knew I would love her and that I would not be able to let her leave.

Once again attempting to put this matter into the back of my mind, I got up and left for another tedious day.

I met up with Massimo, my very, very old friend, and we decided that today we would sit in the park and play chess. There was no point in playing against me because I always knew what moves he would make, even before he did, and so I never lost.

“You seem a little off today my old friend.” Massimo inquired, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“I feel a little off today,” I answered “like something big is going to happen soon.

“Your visions aren’t tipping you off?” he joked.

“Nope, I got nothing.”

“Hmm… wonder what it could be”

“Me too.”

“WOW!” Massimo whispered all of a sudden, his eyes growing wide. “That one smells good.”

I rolled my eyes. Massimo had always had a better sense of smell than I did so I probably couldn’t smell it yet, but there was no reason that this one would smell any different than the others. They all smelled the same.

“Well, since it seems as if we’re done here… I think I’ll go have some lunch.”

I felt sorry for which ever poor soul Massimo had chosen to feast upon today. Not too sorry though. Humans were boring and held no appeal for me, which was another reason I was so astounded by her influence on me. She was a human… she should only hold my interests for the time it would take me to snap her neck and drain her of her blood. But I could not do that. The mere thought of it sickened me. I did not understand why she influenced me so. Why was I thinking of her again? Could I never keep her face from my mind? Always, she was there. It was maddening.

“Ahh… like honey.”

I was jolted from my thoughts by Massimo’s return.

“Are you sure you’re ok Ilario? You really seem to be somewhere else.”

“I’ll be fine.” I lied, “I just need something to keep me busy for a while. I’ll probably go hunting this weekend.”

“I’ll come too then.”

“If you want.”

Massimo left then, and I went back home. I needed sleep. Maybe I could get something more out of my “dreams”. I used the word only for my visions of her. Because only in my visions of her did I feel different, something I had never felt before, a sense of surrealness. With these thoughts in my mind, I climbed into my bed, let my temperature drop, and allowed my mind to wander into the dark haze of what would be.

3. Encounter

Jerica

The first days in Europe were as blast. I spent most of my time walking around with Kelli. When we weren’t in a group I was out “shopping” with Kelli. Guys being our focal point. We’d made an attempt at hanging out with Clarice and Josh but quickly gave up finding that they weren’t coming out of lovey-dovey land anytime soon. I told Kelli to slap me if I ever got that “into” a guy. I promised to do the same for her.

“The beer in Ireland was so much better than here.” Kelli complained. We had tasted every alcoholic beverage available in every pub we had visited this past week, and been drunk too many times to count. I could tell Kelli was reaching her limit and slid the tankard away from her.

“Of course it was Kelli, this is Italy, you drink the wine here.” We had just arrived in Ialy earlier this evening. After stopping for dinner Mr. Kidd took us to the hotel and let us have free reign for the night. We all decided to go to the bar.

“Oooooh! You’re so smart Rica.”

The way she said my name was funny. It reminded me of Paris when one of the boys we were flirting with called me “Rica”. I’d told him that only special people could call me Rica and it was an honor he would have to live up to. Of course it wasn’t that serious, but I really preferred that only my closest friends and family used it.

“I need to use the bathroom,” Kelli jolted me back to the present, “will you come with me?”

“Of course Kelli.” I didn’t particularly want to be the hair-holder tonight while Kelli barfed her guts out only to go back to the bar and drink some more but I had nothing better to do. We hadn’t started our tour of Italy yet, so I didn’t know where any of the shops were and it was nighttime. Nighttime meant strange perverted European men looking to “help” lost tourists like myself. I’d pass on that.

After about three more bathroom trips for Kelli and a good number of cocktails for myself, Mr. Kidd gathered us all and escorted us to our rooms. I was excited for tomorrow. Even though I would probably only get four hours of sleep the excitement of being in Italy would, no doubt, keep me awake and functioning. I let those thoughts embrace me and pull me into slumber.

Ilario

My sleeps did not help. My dreams only got more vague. My visions of her only increased. One good thing has come from my sleeps though. I have been able to identify my sense of something as unease, anxiety even. Massimo says I have been jumpy and on edge for the past week, and I have. Something is going to happen soon, I know it. I just don’t know what is going to happen. That instilled a greater sense of unease because I always know what’s going to happen. The thing is I can’t see anything anymore. All I see is her. She’s disrupting my sense of sight and I can’t stand it. I even lost a game of chess to Massimo for the first time in one hundred years.

It was agonizing trying to function properly when she was always in my mind. I wondered if things would go back to normal after I found her. Or if this would only get worse. I decided I wasn’t going to think on it any more at this moment. I called Massimo and told him to meet me at our favorite café. Not that we ever ate there. The crowded atmosphere was what drew us.

Not at all disappointed by the turn-out of people Massimo and I chose a corner table outside. We sat and talked as the breeze carried the scent of warm, flowing blood past our noses. It was taunting, tantalizing. Massimo and I were lightly masochistic in that we enjoyed testing ourselves. Testing our patience, our strength, our ability to suppress the urge to attack… to feed… to kill. Being surrounded by so many people, so much blood, only made our game harder. The first one to break and feed lost. Again, I always won. My ability to see when Massimo could hold no longer helped of course. I just had to hold out until then. This time, however, I couldn’t count on my sight to help me out. I would only see her anyway. Instead, to test myself more, I focused on the delicious scent in the air and imagined myself in a dark alley, feasting on my latest prey.

Big mistake.

She was there, in the alley, her reddish-brown eyes wide with horror. I wanted to reach out and comfort her. I stood slowly and took a step toward her. She flinched as if afraid I would hurt her.

NO!

She probably thought I was going to hurt her.

But I wouldn’t, I couldn’t. How could she think such a thing? Could she not see that…

“Ilario, control yourself!” Massimo hissed snapping me from my imagined nightmare. My body was convulsing wildly, I quickly stilled myself.

“Are you sure you can handle this? Maybe you shouldn’t push it too far.” Massimo said with worried eyes.

“I’m Fine, don’t worry. I just got a little carried away.”

“Positive?”

“Yes, I’m under control now.”

“Ok then, on with the game!”

“Yes, on with the game.”

Massimo seemed to believe that I was ok. And I was… in a way. I was ok in the fact that I could control myself; I was not ok, however, in the fact that my mind was a disarray of emotions.

Anger, confusion, revulsion, and pain. Mostly pain. Pain at seeing her face for the first time vacant of the smile I had grown to adore. Pain at being the cause of it. Pain at seeing her terror directed towards me. I closed my eyes again. For some reason I wanted to go back, I wanted to see the rest of her reaction. I wanted to see if she would run from me completely. Maybe if she did it would end the plague of my visions regarding her. I had to know, so I let myself return to that dismal alley.

Everything was exactly the same. I stood, my arms reaching for her. She was cringing away from me eyes still wide with fear. It was excruciating to have her look at me that way. I wanted her to know that I would never hurt her. I needed her to know that. I wanted to hold her and comfort her and have her love me too. I took another step forward. She turned and ran from me.

A gust of warm air flitted by. It was blood… but so much better. Sweeter, thicker, more delicious.

My eyes snapped open. I stood and quickly turned to follow it. As I turned I ran into something small and soft.

“Hey, watch where you’re…” she stopped short, her eyes growing wide.

I held unto her shoulders gazing intently into her eyes… it was her.

Jerica

I woke up to a plain white ceiling and birds chirping outside the window. I was over-enthused and ready to start my day in Italy. I’d slept a dreamless sleep, unconscious from all the alcohol, but I wasn’t tired at all. Mr. Kidd called us all down to breakfast then. I didn’t eat; I was too excited for the day, so I just sat and watched as Kelli picked her way through a waffle and some bacon. I decided to get a cup of apple juice just for something to do. I was getting restless. I had always dreamed of visiting Italy, but I could not figure out why I was so extremely excited about today, it was almost to the point of edginess. Something about today was messing with my nerves and making my heart race. I couldn’t wait to leave. I went back to sit with Kelli and sipped on my apple juice while the minutes slowly ticked by.

Finally, Mr. Kidd said it was time to begin the tour.

We spent the majority of the day viewing historic sites and learning how they were relevant to music and what influence they had. Everything was very fascinating. I was astounded by the beauty of it all. Everything was so old, but still stood just as proudly as it had when I was built. The structures still retained every ounce of the original splendor, only better; like wine, they improved with age.

We had the afternoon to ourselves, so Kelli and I decided to go to the square. It was a poplar spot, so the “shopping” would, most likely, be prime. It was only a twenty minute ride from the hotel, so we had plenty of time to peruse before curfew.

“Check out that hottie over there!” I joked pointing at an old, graying man sitting under a birch tree.

“Oh yes, such a hottie! Oh wait, there goes your man Rica.” Kelli nudged my arm gesturing toward a kid who couldn’t be more than twelve.

“Very funny,” I laughed, “at least mine still functions properly.”

“Yeah, well at least mine’s hit puberty already.” She defended.

“Uh huh, like eighty years ago! Anyways, I’m hungry, let’s go get something to eat.”

“Ok.”

So we stopped at a nearby café. It was small, but very crowded, we could hardly move without brushing against someone. I ordered a cinnamon spice latte and sticky bun to go and waited while Kelli decided what to get. We sat outside on the curb and ate quickly so that we could walk around some more. After we finished, we threw away our trash and headed off.

I noticed two men sitting at a table on the corner. One was staring off into space, not paying attention to anyone around him. His black hair was cut short and very tidy. He stared with Hazel eyes that, when they were focused, I’m sure could pierce right into a person- very knowing. If he were dressed in a suit he could pass as a member of the mafia. Instead he wore I light tan sweater and slacks. The other was sleeping. He was very attractive. Dark curls of hair fell lightly across his face and onto his shoulders. There were the slightest shadows under his eyes, probably from lack of sleep. A soft blue sweater clung lightly to his body showing a slightly muscular build. One thing I noticed in particular was his skin. He was so pale; they both were. Almost translucent.

I tore my eyes away and kept walking. A second later someone crashed into me.

I turned “Hey, watch where you’re…” I stopped abruptly. It was the sleeping man. He grabbed me by the shoulders and stared at me. Was he waiting for me to apologize? He was the one that bumped into me.

I opened my mouth to tell him so, but my voice fell short as my eyes snapped up to his. I realized that I had not seen them before as he slept, but now, I could see them clearly. They were not blue as someone might suspect at first, but clear, like ice almost but more brilliant. They sparkled and shone like diamonds. They were beautiful. As I gazed at him, his eyes softened and slowly began to fill with a clear bluish-green color; though they were still mostly a lucent white.

He stared at me intently for a moment -Was it five seconds or ten minutes? - his face, a mixture of confusion and surprise. Then, out of nowhere, his back stiffened, he let go of my shoulders, turned, and quickly glided away from me.

I stared after him, dumbfounded.

“Dang! He was hott!” Kelli exclaimed. I could hardly hear her. My mind was confused, trying to process what had just happened. I could do nothing but stare.

“Rica, are you ok?”

I snapped out of my trance.

“Yeah, I’m fine, let’s get out of here.”

The rest of the day passed in a blur. I couldn’t seem to think of anything but that strange guy at the café. The way he stared at me, the color of his eyes, why he left so quickly without even saying a word. As I got ready for bed there was no doubt in my mind that he would star in my dreams tonight. Sure enough, as I slipped into unconsciousness, he was there.

Ilario

I couldn’t quite grasp what was happening. I was here, holding in my hands the one thing that had been consuming me. After months of catching glimpses of her, and, more recently, weeks of seeing nothing but her she was here, standing right in front of me. Out of nowhere. I could not get my mind to cohere. And then there was that smell. What was it? I wanted it; to drink whatever delicious liquid produced it. I thirsted for it more than anything else. My body yearned for it, my mind needed it. It was an uncontrollable craving.

It hit me then, the smell was coming from her! She was the one giving off such a luscious aroma. The sudden impulse to lead her away from these people and treat myself to a feast of her blood was dominant. I knew I could not let this longing control my actions. So, before I could do anything rash, I steeled myself against the craving, and, as much as I hated to do this, released her from my grasp, turned quickly, and tried to control my feet as I walked, faster than any normal person should, away from her.

It pained me to leave her. After seeing her face in my mind for so long it was agonizing having to leave the real thing behind; even more so because the real thing was so much better than my visions. She was utterly breathtaking. The way her eyelashes curled towards the heavens leaving her huge brown eyes unclouded by shadow, the slight pout of her lips, the way only one of her cheeks was dimpled, the other one misplaced in her chin. It was all so…alluring.

And then there was her smell. I had never smelled something so forceful, so magnetic. I craved it. I realized then that this would be a problem. I could not be near her. The lust for her blood would drive me to hurt her. My vision in the alley flashed through my mind. I hated my visions for bringing her to me, hated them for making me love her, and hated them for making me believe I could ever experience the happiness I saw with her. This could be problematic. I wanted to be with her and I knew I would be…I just didn’t know how.

I found myself as Massimo’s house. I had not planned on coming here, but I knew why I had. Massimo had always been able to calm me down and he would probably know what was going on. His sense of smell was better than mine and, being a lot older than me he would possibly be able to explain this situation.

I went around back to the lake and waited for him there. He would most likely look for me at my house when he was finished at the café, but would eventually come back here. That was ok with me, I needed the time to sort things out and figure out how to define what I was going through logically.

It was four hours before I heard him approaching from behind me but I still didn’t have everything figured out. So I started out casually.

“Did you have fun?”

“Not really there was no point in tormenting myself after you left, so I followed that girl you ran from for a while, until I got bored, then I…”

“YOU WHAT!” I interrupted shouting, anger growing inside me. “Did you touch her? I swear if you laid a finger on her I’ll…”

“Whoa, whoa, don’t worry Romeo, I didn’t touch her. I only did a little tracking for a while.” He said sitting down next to me. “I was curious as to why you reacted the way you did, so I trailed her to figure out what was so special about her. I didn’t catch anything so I gave up. Her friend was pretty cute though.

“You didn’t… catch anything? Didn’t you smell her?”

“Yeah, she smelled good, but nothing special. Why?”

“So, she didn’t smell different to you… better

“Nope.”

“Hmm…”

“Why, what happened”

“Well, do you remember what I told you about the girl in my visions?” He nodded. “That was her.” I paused.

“And…?” he prompted.

“And do you remember during the game when I jumped up all of a sudden?” He nodded again. “That was because I had smelled someone so obsessively captivating that I could not control myself any longer and I was going to find whoever it was. Well, I bumped into her and was caught off guard by the fact that she was there, really there, not just in a dream.” Massimo did not especially understand the intensity of that moment because I did not always inform him of the motif she had become, but I continued anyway.

“And then I realized that she was the one producing such a delectable smell. I had to get away from her before I co do anything that I would regret. It took all of my strength to walk away from her. The fragrance of her blood was so appealing; I could hardly control myself. It mad me insane with desire. It was as if a ravenous beast had suddenly taken over my body. I fought to control myself as her sultry, succulent, perfume danced around me, teasing me. It was maddening.”

“Ahh… ‘La Tua Cantane’… it’s a beautiful thing my friend. ‘Il Cantante di Sigure!’”

“La tua… my singer? The blood singer? What does that mean?”

“Well, Ilario, ‘La Tua Cantante’, she is considered to be your singer. Il Cantante di Sigure… Your blood singer. It’s a rare thing a rare thing indeed.

It is said that there are certain people whose blood “calls out” to us; like it was meant for us to drink. Many don’t believe in singers but only because it seldom happens. I have to admit, I’m a bit jealous, I still haven’t found one. Anyway, it is said that once you get the scent it is impossible to resist the urge to dine upon it. I’m surprised you did, seeing as your visions told you she would come to you as yours.

“What?” I was baffled by what he’d said, but then I remembered that Massimo did not know the full extent of my visions. I decided that know was as good a time as ever to tell him. “Oh… well… you see, my visions didn’t exactly show her as my singer.”

“Really, then why do you suppose you were seeing her?”

“First of all, I saw her a lot more than I led you to believe.” I started “I figured that”, he interrupted, “every time you were a little withdrawn you would mumble something like ‘It’s her’ or ‘where is she?’ I just never said; I didn’t want to worry you.”

“Yes, well, anyway,” I continued, slightly embarrassed. “She took over my visions I could not see anything but her. Every time I closed my eyes she was there. Earlier, however, when she first started to appear and my visions made more sense, I kept seeing us together. I saw myself turning her. Because I wanted her around, because she made me happy… because I loved her. But I don’t know how that can happen if I want to eat her. I can’t…”

“Wait, wait, wait! You… you what? You l-love her?” Massimo’s face contorted into a combination of perplexity and disgust.

“Well, that’s what I thought, but obviously I can’t be around her. Not with the effect the has on me, it wont work out. Again, unless I can find a way to be around her without trying to kill her then I don’t know what to do. Mas, my friend, you have to help me. Please?”

“Of course I’ll help you my friend. Although, for the life of me I cant figure out how you could love a human…” he trailed off still confused.

“You don’t need to worry about that, just help me figure something out.”

4. Runner

Jerica

The next few days were tiresome. I was agitated because I kept dreaming about that guy from the café. Poor Kelli got the worst of my vented irritation. I was glad she was so patient and put up wit my edginess.

We were scheduled to visit a small local museum today and the bus ride was starting to get annoying. I didn’t really want to go, but I had no choice. I’d spent over three-thousand dollars on this trip; I was not about to waist a day lying around by myself. I might as well make the best of it, so I turned to talk to Kelli.

“So you excited about today” She was shocked by my sudden change of mood.

“Uh… I guess. It’s just a museum, nothing really big.”

“Hmph, well I’m excited. This is gonna be fun!” I don’t think she was fooled by my fake enthusiasm, but she played along anyway.

“Yeah, fun.” She agreed. “I wonder if there’ll be any hotties.”

“Oooh, there’ll almost certainly be some of those smart sophisticated, artsy college guys!”

“Mmm, can’t wait!”

We laughed until the bus stopped in front of an old building that looked more like a large house than a museum.

Mr. Kidd started talking then. “Ok kids, this is the famous Gugliehno Museum.” Knowing Mr. Kidd, this museum was presumably not too famous, but I ignored that fact and continued with the group. As we walked through the door he began lecturing on Gugliehno and how he was hired by nobles to compose music for parties and other gatherings.

I wasn’t very fascinated by any of it. After the grandeur of yesterday’s tour, this was a little boring. I tried to adjust my perspective and appreciate the quaintness of the museum. It was small, and very cozy. I wanted to sit in one of the fluffy chairs and drink hot chocolate. Taking this view made things a lot more bearable. Mr. Kidd told us we had an hour to explore on our own so I went upstairs with Kelli.

“Doesn’t look like there’s gonna be any hotties here, huh?”

I nodded. “Yeah, but this place isn’t half bad. It’s nice, I feel comfortable here. I could live here if I had to.”

“Really? I couldn’t”

“Yeah, I love all the aged, kinda eighteen-hundreds décor. The Italian flair just makes it all the better.”

“Oh, well that’s cool.”

We spent the rest of the hour looking through the rooms at all the different furniture and decorative paintings. I was relieved when Mr. Kidd told us it was time to leave. We went as a group to a nearby park with different food carts set up for lunch. It was really windy and the smell of all the cooking foods made my mouth water. I got in Italian sausage sandwich and went to sit on a nearby fountain. That was when I saw him. The guy from the café. He was sitting about a hundred feet away from me. He looked like he was waiting for someone. I don’t know why, but for some reason I wanted to talk to him. I decided I’d go say hello and ask apologize for being rude the other day. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to speak clearly once I got over there, I would have trouble concentrating on anything but his good looks and entrancing eyes, but I decided that I would try. I got up and began walking toward him. When I decided that I was within hearing range, I called out to him.

“HEY! Excuse me… sir? Hey!!!”

He didn’t seem to hear me, so I kept going. A sudden gust of wind almost knocked me over. In the seconds after that his back straightened, and his head quickly turned in my direction, searching. His eyes zeroed in on me and grew wide. He stood and immediately began walking away. I tried to follow, calling out to him again.

What was with this guy? Why did he keep running away from me? Like I was going to hurt him or something. I gave up after a few minutes and slumped down next to a tree. I was oddly upset, dejected. It hurt more than it should. There was a slight ache in my heart. What had I done to make him run from me like that? Was he still mad about the café incident? But then, what about that look in his eyes then? Why did he seem surprised to see me? I stood and set off to find the group again. I found them after a while, Kelli was sitting with Josh and Clarice and their couple-ness sent an abnormal jolt of jealousy and grief through my body. I couldn’t sit with them so I went back to sit on the same fountain as before. That too spawned an unexpected wave of anguish. I gave up on sitting there too and finally decided on a spot next to a group of kids whose room was next to mine. I didn’t pay attention to anything they were saying. As hard as I tried I still could not concentrate on anything but that guy. I became more and more depressed as the day wore one. I don’t even remember what happened and the next thing I knew I was in my bed. I didn’t want to sleep because I knew I would dream of him. But soon my drooping eyelids won and I fell into oblivion.

Ilario

WHY?! Why did this have to happen? Why were the gods cursing me? A simple day in the park waiting for Massimo and she’s there. As if seeing her in my visions all of the time wasn’t enough. She looked so beautiful. Why? Of all the places she could have been. Why here? And why was she coming toward me? I had heard someone calling but disregarded it, assuming they were looking for someone else, but she was calling for me. She was looking directly at me. What did she want? It surprises me now that I did not recognize the sweet melody of her voice. Such a harmonious sound was hard to forget.

I thought about turning around and going back to her, but I couldn’t yet. It was too soon â€" too risky. There was still a chance that I might hurt her. The reaction of the beast inside me today when I smelled her blood floating on the wind verified that. I would survive though. Until I could control myself and we could be together.

I stopped walking then, sensing Massimo following behind me, and waited for him to catch up.

“Why were you not waiting at the place we said we’d meet? It’s a pain having to track you down.” He asked.

“Sorry, something came up and I had to get away.”

“That girl was there.” It wasn’t a question. He had undoubtedly caught her scent near mine.

“Yeah.”

“And you ran from her again?” he asked slightly disconcerted.

“Of course I did! I had to!” I responded suddenly yelling. I could feel the frustration building. Who was he to look at me like that He didn’t know what it was like. He didn’t know the true extent of the circumstances. And he definitely did not know what it felt like to uncontrollably want t kill and devour the person that you were in love with.

“No Ilario, you didn’t.” He said, snapping me from my internal tangent. His face was calm.

“What are you talking about?” I spoke the words slowly, trying to suppress the quickly growing anger. “You expect me to just kill her? I already told you I’m incapable…”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. What I am saying, however, is that you didn’t have to run from her. She’s going to think you don’t like her if you do.” He added jokingly and then more seriously. “I’ve never seen you look so flustered and upset. It makes me uneasy and, as your friend, I’m concerned.”

“Don’t worry Massimo. I’ll be OK. I’ll figure something out.” “That’s exactly what I called you out herefor today. I’ve got an idea and we’re going to begin ‘training’ you!”

“Training me?”

“That’s what I said is it not?”

“Ok my friend… whatever you say. So, what were we supposed to be doing today anyway?”

He replied with a devilish smirk. “Well, I thought we’d play a few games of chess.”

I sighed. I knew what he was up to. The first stage of my forced training was set to begin. It was a pointless act considering that I wasn’t expecting to go along with it. But if he thought he could bait me into using my visions to beat him… I’d let him try.

After a few games I was starting to get annoyed. Massimo kept insisting that I beat him five times in a row before he would be satisfied.

“Massimo, I know what you’re trying to do and I don’t see how my visions are going to help me.” I intervened after losing my second game. I hated to admit that I was tempted to use them because I despised losing.

“Just trust me Ilario. You do trust me don’t you?”

I nodded.

“Yes well, even if you don’t, I’ve got all day and I’m not leaving until we try.”

“Fine, I’ll do it.”

I concluded that if I was strong-minded enough and focused on the game, then I could use them to prove to Massimo that this idea was not going to work and that I could win these next few matches.

I closed my eyes then and called them on. Not a chance… she was there, smiling at me from a few feet away. She was beckoning me to her. I could not turn away. I took a hesitant step toward her. Her smile widened calling me closer. Her eyes were happy… welcoming… and somewhat relieved. I could resist her no longer and I swiftly staggered toward her. She held her arms out to me, waiting. When I finally reached her, her arms wrapped themselves around me and I could not help but to embrace her as well. My eyes closed as I rested my cheek on her hair and took a breath. My eyes snapped open again. Her smell… it was gone. Where was it? I became frantic searching for it. That smell that meant so much to me, the one that I loved yet loathed. It was gone. I was greatly disappointed and she could tell. I could see the sadness in her eyes and I pulled her tighter in my arms. It wasn’t that I loved her any less without her scent, it was just something that made her even more special to me. It proved that she was mine, that she was meant for me.

She rested her head against my chest and laughed a low chuckle. Her laughter slowly became more pronounced and it was not the melodious tone that I recognized. It was deeper, manly, and sounded a lot like…

“Massimo!!! What are you laughing at?” I had forgotten he was there.

He grinned. “I love being right.” Was all he said. He got up then and left me to think. It was amazing how well Massimo knew me.

I didn’t really know what to think. I tried organizing my thoughts. I wanted her scent there. That was for sure, yet whenever she was around it was the only thing holding me back. My cell phone rang then.

“Hello.”

“Are you done thinking yet?”

It was Massimo. “Not exactly.” I answered.

“Well, whenever you’re ready I’m waiting at my house. There’s a part two to my plan you know.”

“I’m not getting anywhere on my own. I’ll be there in ten minutes.” Hanging up the phone I got up to leave. There was a small alley nearby where I could start running without catching anyone’s eye. I wondered what Massimo’s plan could be and how it would work. I didn’t doubt him as I had before though. It seemed like my friend was smarter than I thought.

5. Meetings

Jerica

“Rica, I really think you should just get over it.” Kelli was getting fed up with me and my broody behavior. “I mean really, it’s just some random guy.”

“Yeah, I know. I don’t even know why I’m upset about it.” And I didn’t. He was just some stranger after all. Some beautiful, mysterious stranger who hated me for no reason at all. I’d been sulking for two days now so Kelli had pulled me aside to talk to me about it. She was leaving the day after tomorrow and didn’t want to spend her last days in Italy with a zombie.

“I’m sorry. I’m just freaking out over nothing. I’m ok.” I lied. I wasn’t really, but I resigned to enjoy myself the rest of the time the group was here. After that, when I met up with the family I’d be staying with, I could mope all I wanted.

“Ok, good. Now let’s go back and party!”

We were at a dance club with blaring techno music. I wasn’t really a fan so I didn’t dance much. I told Kelli to go ahead and that I’d be at the bar if she wanted me. She was reluctant to go but I encouraged her with a smile.

“I’ll be ok.”

She nodded and danced her way into the crowd. I went to sit on one of the too tall bar stools but kept slipping and couldn’t get high enough. Just when I was getting frustrated a hand reached to help me up.

“Thank you” I smiled turning to the person and stopped short. Small world, or rather town, it was the other guy that had been at the Café that day.

“You’re very welcome.” His voice was smooth and song-like, perfect for a lullaby. “How are you this evening?”

“F-Fine, thank you.”

“Can I get you something to drink?”

“uhm… a martini would be nice.”

He chuckled. “Two martinis, please.” He asked the bartender. “I’m Massimo.” He said turning towards me.

“Jerica.” Sure enough, his hazel eyes pierced through me like a hawk.

“Hmm… Jerica. Nice name. Well Jerica, I’m just going to get to the point.” He leaned in very close. I instantly tensed. “I’m judging by the look on your face that you remember me. Am I right?

I nodded, unable to speak.

“Good, then I’m guessing that you also remember the man who was with me that day?”

“Y-Yes.” The bartender brought our drinks and I sipped tentatively on mine.

“Wonderful this is going to be easier than I thought.” I wondered if he’d caught the slightly hurt look in my eyes at the mention of his friend. Maybe he knew why his friend hated me, because I certainly couldn’t figure it out.

“He’s been thinking about you for a while now.”

Those last words caught my attention. “What?”

“Have you been listening to anything I said?” he was irritated. He muttered something under his breath and I thought I caught the word “humans”. “I said ‘I apologize for his rude behavior the other day. You caught him off guard.’ In truth Ilario is never like that, he’s been thinking about you for a while now and would like to apologize to you in person.”

So his name was Ilario, a name almost as beautiful as he was. Then Massimo’s words hit me again. “He’s been… thinking… about me?”

“That’s what I said isn’t it?” he declared aggravated.

“Yes. I was just… sorry”

“Anyways, can you meet him tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

I went through our schedule for tomorrow. “We finish group activity at 3:00 and meet for dinner at 6:00, so anytime between then.”

“Meet him at he café where we first met tomorrow at 3:30 then.”

“Ok.” I got up to leave. “Thank you for the drink.”

“Wait.” He grabbed my arm, too tightly to be a friendly squeeze. “There’s something else. I’m sure Ilario wouldn’t want me to tell you this, but I think it is better that you know.” For the first time there was true concern in his eyes.

I watched him, waiting.

“Ilario is… different.”

I didn’t say anything, beckoning him to continue.

“He’s not like you. Or any other person for that matter.”

“Then what is he like?” I inquired. This was starting to get on my nerves.

“He’s like me…and a few other individuals.”

“Ok, and what are you like?”

He stared unblinkingly at me for a while. “I’m a predator.”

The look in his eyes sent chills down my spine. I didn’t take doubt for a minute that he was lying.

“You â€" are the prey. Ilario and anyone else like us that you meet are a constant danger to you so you must be careful. Think long and hard before you arrive at the café tomorrow. Ilario would never hurt you, but he is struggling, so be very cautious of what you do around him and do not get too close unless he tells you to.”

I couldn’t say anything. My eyes were wide with fear. I swallowed and forced out the words.

“What do you mean ‘I’m the prey’?”

“I mean that my kind hunt and kill your kind. Like I said, we’re dangerous to you, Ilario especially, so be careful.”

My head nodded dumbly. I don’t know where my thoughts had gone. I fought to control them and I could only grasp one. So I voiced it.

“You mean, you’re v-vam-vampires?”

“Yes, I guess you could say that.”

“How?” my voice was barely a whisper.

“What do you mean how? The same way you’re human. We live, eat, breath, sleep…”

“I know that.” I cut in. “It’s just...” I couldn’t form any coherent words so I simple shook my head in disbelief.

“Don’t believe me?”

“I don’t â€" I can’t â€" it’s so… strange. A vampire?”

“Want me to show you?”

I nodded enthusiastically.

“Don’t move a muscle. You’re too close to get away if I’m not careful.”

“Ok. Perfectly still.”

The music seemed so far away. Massimo and I were in another world. He closed his eyes and when he opened them they were completely drained of color, all the hazel gone, and sparkled like ice. The way Ilario’s had when I had first seen him. He smiled at me and I shivered. His end teeth had grown into elongated fangs sharp enough to cut through leather. I blinked and he was back to normal.

“Well,” he interjected before I could say anything. The club and people still seemed like they were on another planet. “Tomorrow at 3:30. He’ll be waiting.” With that he got up to leave.

“Wait!” This time I was the one who grabbed his arm. He turned, “You said Ilario was especially dangerous to me. Why?”

“Why, you’re his singer of course,” he smiled, “Just be careful of your scent, it could make things harder for him.”

Without explaining himself further he turned and left the club with me staring after him dumbfounded.

“Rica! Who was that?” it was Kelli. “He looked familiar.”

“Oh just some guy. He bought me a drink and we talked for a while.” I said, but I wasn’t completely back yet.

“He was cute.”

“Yeah… you know, I don’t really feel like dancing anymore. I’m gonna go back to the hotel and go to bed.”

“Alright. I’ll see you there.”

Ilario

What was I doing here? I wondered leaning against one of the outside walls. All around me the café buzzed with life and a few women smiled in my direction but I barely noticed it. I had more important matters on my mind. Massimo had done it. I don’t know how, but he had. She was coming. I was on edge, not sure if I’d be able to handle this, but knowing that I’d get to see her again kept me from running away. Jerica… Massimo had said her name was. It was about the time that she should be arriving. I took a deep breath and found what I was looking for. A delicate fragrance drifting in the breeze. I instinctively turned my head toward the smell. There she was, if my heart had been beating it would have stopped at the sight of her walking towards me. All of my unease disappeared, replaced with sheer joy at seeing her again. This time I would not run. I would stay as long as she did. And I knew that would be forever.

Jerica

“I can’t believe you guys are leaving tomorrow. I’m going to be so lost without you.” I whined watching the trees trail past the bus.

“I know. You’re so lucky that you get to stay though.”

I looked at Kelli. “Yeah, I guess. Not that it’s not going to be any fun without you.”

“I know.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever Kelli.” I hadn’t told her about my arrangements for this afternoon yet. She was planning to go shopping with Clarice and Josh anyway, so it didn’t really matter.

“Where are we going again?” she asked

“I don’t know… some lake. Hey, you remember that guy last night.”

“Mhm.”

“You said he looked familiar. Well, he was one of the guys that was sitting outside the café that day.”

“Oh yeah! And the other weird one that you saw the other day.”

“Yeah, well it turns out that weird one wants to see me today at that same place.”

“Really!!! Wow, are you gonna go?”

“I think so.”

“If you do, just be careful.”

“Why would you say that?” I asked instantly defensive. Did she overhear the conversation last night? Did she know that I had a date with a vampire?

“He could be some kind of stalker or something. I wouldn’t want you getting hurt.”

“Oh… yeah.” Of course that’s what she’d meant.

We rode in silence the rest of the way to the lake. It was too cold to swim so I hadn’t even bothered to bring a bathing suit. After this I planned on going strait from the hotel to the café. I sat and watched as the rest of the group played around in the shallows. Looking around I realized that I hadn’t even noticed the landscape. The surrounding mountains were hued different shades of blue, purple and pink. High up, white peaks ghosted between wispy clouds that hid secret niches and caves that were home to the bats returning from a late night hunt. The sun peaked at me from behind one of the giant hills. I couldn’t help but smile and, feeling like an idiot afterwards, wave at it. In response, it rose a little higher, bathing me in its warmth. I laid back in the grass and let the natural blanket put me to sleep.

It was one-o-clock by the time I woke up and we boarded the bus to go back. I couldn’t think of anything but the fact that in two hours I would be meeting the most beautiful… and dangerous man I had ever seen. Kelli and Clarice were having a very animated discussion that I didn’t particularly want to be a part of so I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. Instead, I imagined what my meeting with Ilario would be like. We were sitting at a small table outside the café sipping iced coffee. He asked sweetly about my life and answered whatever questions I had for him. Somewhere in between telling him about my favorite color and what kind of animals I liked I fell asleep.

My face was plastered to the window. I looked out of the window and the bus was stopped outside the hotel.

“Wake up sleepyhead.”

“Thanks Kelli.” I got up and headed with her upstairs to our room. When we got there we both started packing. It was really starting to hit me that my best friends were leaving and I was going to be here all alone with some people that I didn’t even know. Tears started forming and I tried to sniff them back.

“I know, I’m gonna miss you too Rica.” Kelli said and to my surprise she was crying too. The sight of both of us crying sent us into fits of laughter and made the tears spill even harder. We laugh-cried until my stomach started to hurt.

“Ok, enough crying. You’ve got a date to get ready for! What are you gonna wear?”

“Oh…” I hadn’t even thought about it. I had a couple of nice shirts so I decided to wear one of those with dark jeans. I put a few of them out on the bed for Kelli to pick through.

“Hmmm… this one!” She held up a pink halter with butterfly sequins.

“Perfect.”

I showered, got dressed, fixed my hair, hugged Kelli one more time, and left. I was starting to get nervous now. One hour to go. It dawned on me that I was going to have supper with someone that, in all actuality, would rather have me than a salad, and that was just a little bit disturbing.

Outside on the street people were walking as usual, shopping, talking, hanging out. Of all the people that I could have met and been unnecessarily drawn to, why was it that I would end up with a vampire? Of course I was drawn to him before I knew what he was, but then again, that could be some kind of predatory tool they use to draw unsuspecting innocent people in. But, if it was, then why wasn’t I attracted to Massimo in that way? It was true that I had always wished that vampires were real. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, and an assortment of fairy tail creatures, I was I big fantasy dork, but seriously, I never expected to actually meet one. This was all too confusing to think about.

I was getting close now, my heartbeat picked up. A few more blocks, and I’d be there. I stopped. I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. This was completely illogical. Why was I agreeing to meet with a complete stranger, in a place where I didn’t know anyone, without even bringing a friend or anything? Especially with the special circumstances. I couldn’t move.

“La giovane donna? La sono ok?”

“What!” I started, frightened by the sudden appearance. “Oh, sono buona, ringraziarla.” I responded after realizing it was only a concerned person passing by.

“Ok, ma lei dovrebbe fare attenzione.”

“I will, thank you again.” I smiled.

Taking a deep breath I resolved myself to continue on. There were enough people around, even if they were complete strangers, that would notice and call for help if things looked bad. I would just have to make sure to stay in a well populated area.

The rest of the walk passed too quickly and suddenly I was approaching the café. I took another deep breath, steeled myself for what I was about to do and walked on. Then I saw him. He was leaning against the wall looking absolutely gorgeous. I almost laughed; he was wearing a green plaid sweater vest over a white button up shirt. I didn’t disregard all the stares he was getting from the surrounding women, but he paid no heed. Instead, as I drew near, he turned his head in my direction and smiled. My heart skipped a beat and my feet stopped working. How could someone have such a wonderful smile? I smiled shyly back and started walking again. He pushed off the wall and came to meet me.

“Hello,” he said in a voice as soft as down and as sweet as an angels, “my name is Ilario. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“I’m Jerica. It’s nice to meet you too.” I forced out. He took my hand and slowly brought it to his lips. After leaving a small kiss, he inhaled deeply and sighed.

Feeling a little awkward, I cleared my throat. His eyes returned to mine and he smiled again.

“Shall we sit?”

I nodded, aware of all the heated stares coming at me from every direction. He headed for a table with me following behind. It just happened to be the same table he was at when I first laid eyes on him. I smiled, thinking of the strange occurrences since then that led to this.

“Do you mind if I know?” he asked pulling out my chair for me.

“What?” I asked.

“What you’re smiling about. Do you mind if I know as well?”

“Oh, I was just thinking of how strange this is. I thought that you hated me, and now we’re having dinner.”

He chuckled, it was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard and I couldn’t help but smile at that too.

“Well, I can assure you that never, for one minute, have I ever hated you. Actually, I wanted to apologize for my previous behavior.” He indicated that I should sit down.

“Yeah, Massimo told me.” I noticed that he had chosen for me to sit downwind from him. Content with this, I sat. He beckoned for the server and sat down across me.

“So, Jerica, I apologize for bumping into you and not acknowledging it. I also apologize for running from you the other day when I clearly knew that you were trying to get my attention.”

“Um. It’s ok, I forgive you.”

“Thank you.”

He said it with such sincerity that I couldn’t help but stare mindlessly at the joy in his eyes. The waiter came to the table then.

“What can I get for you two today?” he asked in a thick Italian accent.

Ilario looked at me. “I’ll have a club soda and the broiled salmon, please.

“Ok, and you sir?”

“Capresse salad if you will.”

I looked up, baffled but quickly hid my expression. Could vampires eat human food? Maybe he was just putting on a show. I wasn’t supposed to know what he was at any rate. Then I realized what he’d ordered and laughed to myself.

“May I know this one too?”

“It’s nothing, you just… ordered a salad.”

“Is that funny?”

“Not really.”

“Ok…” he looked at me suspiciously. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“How did Massimo manage to convince you to meet me today?”

“Actually, he didn’t have to do too much convincing. I’ve been kind of eager to meet you since that first day. I wanted to say sorry for running into you. But then I saw you again and you ran from me. I was completely surprised to see Massimo last night, I recognized him instantly. Too be honest, I was really happy when he said that you wanted to see me. Not trying to sound arrogant or anything, but I’m a very loveably person, so I didn’t want to believe that you hated me.”

“Hmm, sounds a bit arrogant to me.” He laughed. “I mean, you did run into me. I could very well have hated you. Especially when I had no reason not to hate you.”

“That’s a bit rude! I never did anything to you! And, as I said, I had fully intended on apologizing until you ran away!”

“Jerica, don’t worry. I told you, I’ve never hated you.” He smiled. Instantly my defenses fell. I had a feeling that he would always have that weapon against me. No matter where this went.

“Well, don’t mess with me like that then.” I joked batting my eyes at him impishly.

“If I do, will you make that face again?”

“… Probably, why?” I was a little confused about his question

“Then, I can’t make you any guarantees.” He said, his eyes smoldering.

I turned away hoping he hadn’t noticed the hiccup in my heartbeat â€"could vampires hear that well? â€" and pretended to study a flock of pigeons across the street. Then he laughed again.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He was still laughing.

“Come on, I told you what I was thinking. It’s only fair that you return the favor!” I protested.

“No. I really can’t tell you this.” He said a little more seriously, but still smiling.

“Fine, it’s ok for you to have secrets but not me?”

“You didn’t have to tell me if you didn’t want to.”

I opened my mouth to protest but closed it again. He was right he hadn’t forced me to tell him anything.

“Fine, you win. But from now on I’m gonna keep some secrets myself then!”

“I wish you wouldn’t, but I guess I can understand.” He sighed looking away sullenly.

The look on his face crushed me. I reached my hand to his face but paused when his eyes jumped to it and he tensed. He looked at me then and I started to withdraw my hand. Faster than it should have, his hand grabbed mine and gradually pulled it back until it was rested against his cheek. I don’t know what I had been expecting but was shocked to find that his skin was warm… and soft, so soft, like a baby’s. Holding my hand to his face, we sat that way until the waiter came with our food. He sat the plates on the table looking a bit awkward at the atmosphere he’d just disturbed.

“Thank you.” Ilario said politely.

“Yes, thank you.” I followed dumbly.

“No problem, I’ll let you guys get back.” He said with a quick smirk to Ilario and hurried off.

I huffed. “What was that all about?”

“Don’t ask me.” He indicated that I should eat.

I took a bite of my salmon, it was really good, but I couldn’t help shooting furtive glances toward his salad, wondering if he would eat it. Almost as if to answer my question, he picked up a slice of Mozzarella between his forefinger and thumb and ate it. I stared at him astonished. So he could eat normal food, unless he was just putting on a show. But he did seem to enjoy it.

“What? You don’t like cheese?”

“No, it’s not that. I just didn’t… think… you would.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know; you just didn’t strike me as a cheese person…?”

He laughed, the musical sound made me laugh as well. It felt really nice being here with Ilario. Even though I’d just met him, I was comfortable, and happy. Was I supposed to be comfortable though? Ilario didn’t seem very vampirish. Then again, neither had Massimo until he decided to show me. But I knew that Ilario wouldn’t hurt me, I could tell. No matter what kind of danger he posed I would always be safe if I was with him.

I was already getting used to being with Ilario. It felt nice to finally talk to a guy that genuinely seemed interested in me rather than having ulterior motives. He asked about trivial things, my favorite color, my hobbies, what kind of books and movies I liked, my musical preferences, but the weird thing was that I enjoyed talking to him. I wanted to talk to him. No.

This is wrong. I shouldn’t feel this way already. I mean, I’d just met the guy. Already I was spilling my guts to him, telling him everything. If he asked, I answered. I shouldn’t want to answer him though, I shouldn’t want to be with him as much as I did, and most of all I shouldn’t want this date to last forever, to be able to talk like this and be near him for the rest of eternity. I shouldn’t want it. But I did.

I noticed that Ilario was staring at me, a mixture of concern and curiosity on his face.

“Are you ok?” he asked when I looked back up at him. Only briefly though. WHY was he so darn beautiful?! My heart beat faster just looking at him. Yes, something was seriously wrong here.

“Yeah, it’s just…” I started, but, as if on cue, the alarm on my phone went off. “Crap. I have to go.” I really didn’t want to leave, but realized it would be best. One: because I didn’t want to miss out on my last day with my friends. Two: because this man had too much of a pull on me and I was getting attached… fast.

Ilario looked sad. “Already?”

I couldn’t help but mimic is sadness, after all it was true that I wanted to stay longer. I only nodded.

“Well, I guess it can’t be helped.” He said. “I wouldn’t want you to miss your friends. Maybe another time then.”

“Uh, yeah sure.” I said wondering if I really meant it and hurried off. I waved behind me, but after a few more steps I couldn’t help turning around to see him again. He was still sitting in the chair, smiling as he watched me run off. I had to concentrate of my feet to keep from falling over, or running back to him. Stupid gorgeous vampire. What I thought was happening to me really could not be happening. Ugh, I couldn’t even think about it.

I smiled a small smile at him and started out for the hotel again. This was really not good, not good at all.

If you've made it this far then i have to say Thank You soo much for taking the time to read this. it would really mean a lot to me if you'd offer your opinion and help. It's nowhere NEAR finished, but this is a start. Thank you again. :)

That was a very intriguing knockoff. I truly love your style of writing. The Ilario chapters are very much like Midnight Sun and Edward's point of view. There are some typos in the writing, but that can be easily fixed. Keep going. But, try to make it more of your own. I like how you've taken many different ideas about vampires and mashed them into one story. It reminds me of Twilight and the tv show Moonlight. I hope to read the rest of this story sometime.

kncok off, http://answers.yahoo.com/question/accuse_write?qid=20080814070704AAt8liP&kid=QaRHIFvhEWzYtfMmD66U&s=comm&date=2008-11-11+11%3A19%3A46&.crumb=

kncok off, http://answers.yahoo.com/question/accuse_write?qid=20080814070704AAt8liP&kid=QaRHIFvhEWzYtfMmD66U&s=comm&date=2008-11-11+11%3A19%3A49&.crumb=

Publish it http://answers.yahoo.com/question/accuse_write?qid=20080814070704AAt8liP&kid=GoBqOzvjL0HDP4U.FKgj&s=comm&date=2009-01-06+12%3A45%3A50&.crumb=

I know it's impossible to get true opinions but be careful about posting so much of your work next time! Some people really do spend time surfing the web to try and steal other peoples' work! :) http://answers.yahoo.com/question/accuse_write?qid=20080814070704AAt8liP&kid=Fq4mPTPOUna5u_NKAp1P&s=comm&date=2009-01-29+08%3A19%3A21&.crumb=

YOU FREAKING SUCK! I HATE TWILIGHT KNOCK OFFS! ITS RUDE! TWILIGHT ROCKS YOU FAT MEAN STORY STEALER! I DON'T EVEN CARE! GO AHEAD! REPORT ME TWILIGHT JERK! http://answers.yahoo.com/question/accuse_write?qid=20080814070704AAt8liP&kid=BMJ0IkrVG0fe8oOyYOm6&s=comm&date=2009-03-22+12%3A42%3A52&.crumb=

YOU FREAKING SUCK! I HATE TWILIGHT KNOCK OFFS! ITS RUDE! TWILIGHT ROCKS YOU FAT MEAN STORY STEALER! I DON'T EVEN CARE! GO AHEAD! REPORT ME TWILIGHT JERK! http://answers.yahoo.com/question/accuse_write?qid=20080814070704AAt8liP&kid=BMJ0IkrVG0fe8oOyYOm6&s=comm&date=2009-03-22+12%3A42%3A56&.crumb=

its okay http://answers.yahoo.com/question/accuse_write?qid=20080814070704AAt8liP&kid=E6RHO1vWAjl20ampldvS&s=comm&date=2009-03-28+21%3A21%3A20&.crumb=

its okay http://answers.yahoo.com/question/accuse_write?qid=20080814070704AAt8liP&kid=E6RHO1vWAjl20ampldvS&s=comm&date=2009-03-28+21%3A21%3A22&.crumb=

Well, I generally despise Twilight knockoffs as a whole, but the one thing I liked about this is the Illario chapters. They were somewhat well-written. Other than that, though...a Twilight knockoff is NOT going to do well in today's market...

Lay off the thumbs down button, people. I gave her a compliment! I really did! See? *points to compliment*

i thought it was a good story. the only thing wrong with it was some punctuational errors...sorry, i'm just a freak about that. i can seriously find a punctuation problem anywhere! but other than that, it was a cool story! it was sort of like twilight, but not SO MUCH that i was like, "oh my gosh, what did this girl do? go through twilight and just re-write everything but using different names?" some people do that, and it really bothers me!

anyway, it was a nice little story line, and i enjoyed it! :]

it was GREAT. Sadly, not original, but very well writen. Would you please e-mail me anymore drafts of the story. thanks. grantaterie@yahoo.com

Great job, I really enjoyed it. You did a great job with the dialogue.

You should really submit it to http://www.papertank.com and see what they think. I bet you could get a high rating for it on there!

TWILIGHT!!!!!!! TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STEPHENIE MEYER, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!

TWILIGHT!!!

TWILIGHT!!

TWILIGHT!!

TWILIGHT ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!